New Year- Reflection and Resolution

well it's 14 hours away to new year. i am having a mixed feelings.

this year i started working full time. by the twist of fate i ended up being a lecturer rather than being a teacher. my work nature is quite different. well i feel quite happy because my occupation kinda sounded glamourous. and of course i enjoyed the shopping. well it hurts my wallet every time but heck it's one very good satisfaction to afford things because you pay things using your hard-earned money.

relationship wise well latest development is that i am back with Nate. well it feels like recycling old toys but he broke up with his japanese bf and really willing to consider being with me. well i was being very supportive of him as a friend. though i really have lost all romantic feelings for him but i know that he is ultimately a kind soul and i hope that we will work it out. and if we ever celebrate our anniversary it will be on Christmas Day... hahaha.... like Bridget Jones Diary.

well lets get on to the resolution eh... my resolution for next year is...

1. to have a leaner, toned body ( work in progress).

2. to successful conduct one action research

3. to be more sociable and to make more new friends.

4. to find a new replacement for my Hag ( my girl is leaving for australia in June... Sad)

5. start my master at the end of the year. ( finger's crossed)

and of course some optional ones

become an instructor for Bodypump or Bodycombat

have a stable boyfriend- hopefully with Nate.

Happy New Year to everyone. Hope you guys will have a wonderful and productive year ahead!

new developments.... rainy day

it's rainy season outside of my room. and i am putting in my post after a hiatus of 4 months. my commitment to this blog is seriously lacking.

i have been at home since last week, coming home for the school holiday. it's been raining day and night. wonder how can the state absorb so much precipitation.

some developments. i am still single. Nate is now my first BFF in KK. funny story. after our falling out i was sad but i seemed to be able to move on. and when he decided to meet me again i was able to be friends with him and to have a normal conversation without feeling sad or angry. he;s avery nice friend and we hangout often. he has a hot and cold relationship with his bf so i ended up becoming his confidante. i listened attentively to his problems and try to advice him where possible. though i did not get a bf i am thankful to find a PLU companion in KK. at least my life would not be such a bore.

sex is surprisingly not a big issue to me. if i actually have a place i think i can get laid at least every week. i am slowly compiling some guys to go into my Fuck Buddy List so am looking forward to more fun next time around. especially when my housemates go away for whatever reasons.

i have shed 7 kilos since i came to KK. thanks to gym and protein shake diet. enjoy my classes in the gym, especially Bodycombat and Bpdypump. am even considering of becoming an instructor too. but i wonder if i am able to be one, it's quite different to teaching.

will write my resolution during christmas.

cold night

it has been a while since i am back to being single again..

well i think i spent most of the time nursing pain and getting myself back together again. Well Nate is already seeing a guy permanently and Adam is crazy about his boy in Bangkok. here i am all alone. not trying to compare but it sucks when people are having fun in their life and you are suffering on your own.

been chatting with a few guys and met some also but i do not want to put high hope. now i just want to create a social circle and also get to know more people to help me feel less lonely living in KK. most of the time i feel happy living in KK except sometimes i feel incredibly alone here. especially i have difficulties mixing with my church members here and the PLUs who are sometimes weird and aloof in a way.

i wish life doesn't have to be so hard on me. but am happy to spend a night with an indonesian man with a huge cock. havent had a cock that size since my New Zealand days...

work is good.. going away again next week. not looking for fun but just a break from this city..

meanwhile i have Diana Krall and Norah Jones serenading me. in this very cold, rainy saturday..

Heartache

Today afternoon i took a what seems to be a very long drive back home..... a person's face came into my head.... the longing feeling was replace with sadness... i tried to hold back my tears... my my heart is crying.....

today Nate said that we should remain friends. my feelings for me is not reciprocated. he was very different from how hw was when he first met me. he was very affectionate and lovey-dovey. i think somethng may be wrong with me. he gave a myriad of excuses... unresolved emotional baggage, fear of committing into relationship for the 20th time... but i took it all in stride.... though when i was having lunch with him i was trying so hard not to cry... gosh it sucks being disappointed like that. now i know what KJ must have felt when i decided to break up with him.

i knew very well that i will survive this. he was my bear for many days before this happen. my heart long for him when i go to bed... when i left i said a little prayer that God will find someone for me eventually, even when he is not Nate.. Nate and I will remain friends. so will it be.

work wise it was quite hectic... was quite happy to be given world studies. loved the subject and i enjoy my students too. very cute and very young haha. hope i will make a good teacher. and my love life? God will provide, He gaveth and taketh away... i believe that.

Me and my bear update.

well i have not put in a post for a while now so i reckon it's time for another update.

so far Nate and i have been going on fine. i was glad that i made a decision to come back early to KK during my one month holiday. cause i could not wait for Adam to reply when he is coming down.

Adam was heading to thailand for a conference before he came down to see me. but i have not heard from him ever since so i secretly thought something must have gone wrong. well a white guy going to thailand even he doesnt look for a boy some boy would have looked for him. so true enough after i caught him online once i asked whether or not he is seeing somebody and yes he is. he will try to find a job in Bangkok so they could try and make their relationship worked. so as how we have made in our relationship pact we decided to call it a day and officially went separate ways.

in a way i was happy that this is over cause that means i can concentrate on making things worked with nate. am happy to be with him as he is very caring and also quite funny too. as i had the whole house to myself and also he had his usual four days off we had a wonderful time together having sex, cuddling and also eating together. we also went to the Jazz festival together. as the company he worked for gave it's staff complimentary tickets together with coupons for drinks and food. i drank two bottles of beer and had a hotdog courtesy of his company haha.

well he never get a chance to stay overnight as i know it is impossible (he lives with his mum). but i feels nice to be in a relationship with a guy who calls you everyday, see you more than once in a week and just happy to be beside you. well he is overweight and has nothing to shout about in the size department but he has many qualities that compensate for that. he has decided to keep things moving slowly and he wished to ascertain his feelings before taking a step forward. i respected that decision but deep down inside i knew i have given more of what i should have for him. i wished we will work it out and can be an items. i only have to be with him for two years to be his longest partner he has ever had... the benchmark is quite low definitely.

work wise i'll start working again next semester with a whole lot of responsibility coming in my way. i've been made a pastoral care officer and that will be a great task ahead of me. pay has come in and of course being a gay guy i spend quite a sum doing some shopping. it was a fun and exciting days ahead of me and i look forward to it.

Of not having time and Rocket song

i am listening to 'Rocket' by our very own malaysian songstress Yuna. that song originally recommended by my brother. the song reminded him of his special relationship with a american girl which he almost become more than close friends... possibly missing her company as they sang this song together. my bro played the guitar and she sang the song... i quite like the song.... cause it reminds me of another thing else.

it seems to me that people that i dated and am dating now always have the problem of not being able to meet me. either they are too far away or just don;t have the time. my ex KJ lived far from me and we only weekend-dated throughout our relationship. my current boyfriend Adam lives in NZ so it;s impossible to date face to face. even so our msn chat and phone calls are very rare... now i try to date people here and i realised that they too have no time to see me... at first i looked set of dating this guy steve but he works six days a week and he works until 7.30pm. when he sees me he always looked tired.... so i could not be bothered to pursue the relationship.

now with nate it is still the same problem.... though we seem to like each other we do not get to meet each other often because he is always busy with his work and he works 9days and get 4 days off. in his days off he still get called to do additional work....so far i heard more sorry than see you there.....he feels guilty but i feel more angry and disappointed..... of course i will not throw my tantrum like i used to with KJ but i just keep it until when i decide enough is enough and i will move on to someone else.... can;t help myself sometimes...

while listening to Yuna's sensual voices singing about a rocket in her mind... i wonder when will i be able to find someone who can really see me often as i want to.... sigh.....

My very own bear!

well i admit that i have always had a penchant for bears..... their hairiness, big size and the facial hairs are the epitome of manliness and i just go crazy if i ever meet one.... i even wish that i will eventually have a bear as my partner too...

well a gay we'll call him Nate he messaged me on PR.... i was quite excited when i saw his profile that he is of the bear type. we arranged to meet and true enough he is a bear... he seems to like me a lot and i think he likes me more than i like him.... well partly it was because of Adam.

i want to start a relationship with Nate... seeing that he is a nice guy and i am finally able to date someone who is bearish enough for me. but Adam will come in June and i believe i should wait for me to come to malaysia first before i assess my feelings towards both men. i have waited for more than a year for Adam and i don't want to give up now.

i told Adam and he actually asked me to give Nate a try.... he knows he is far away and can't really be with me when i need him and vice versa... so here i am having a relationship with two men at the same time.... which is a very funny thing cause i have always been a one man's man. but i will do this until Adam comes and i will decide whom i like or love more....

My pay will come in May... another month of waiting sigh....

i went to Qbar last night.... they had a very elaborate Drag show and i think they are even better than Family D.Queens. They performed songs that i knew and some of them really look like women. one of the girl performed Madonna's 'Miles Away' and it is now stuck in my head... good beats asides... it reminds me of someone far away whom i loved for so long....

The Wait

it has been a while... yet again since my last post. strange enough there are people who visit this post. to you who follow the blog once in a while. thanks for reading.

well my new life in KK has been alright. i started teaching part time too to supplement my income, mostly to pay for my car installment. my official pay will be coming in in April hopefully. then i can finally start my first ever finance budgeting as a wage earning man... looking forward to it.

i had some fun in KK and there are all chinese. still have not got a chance to diversify my portfolio yet hehe. and seriously guys here have very small penis. am pretty disappointed. either the guys are really small or i have become a size queen. well there was this guy which i kinda like him a lot but he is a bit aloof and not interested. he;s bit old but i like his confidence and the 40s charm he has on him. but the worse thing is that i found out that he is quite well known in KK i think i become a joke by having slept with him. they think i have a bad taste for sleeping with him, i mean really?

am still looking forward to meeting some new friends here. i just joined a new gym and am really enjoying my independent life in KK. i can go wherever and do whatever i want. am happy that my colleague are nice folks and my superior is very caring. i suspect he is gay and i think i have seen his partner before. lucky him...

as for myself i am hoping for Adam to arrive in KL in June. we'll spend two weeks together and we will have a great time hanging out, chit chat and also make out for the lost time that we could not be together.

and i wait and i wait....

New Chapter of my Life

wow it was another two more months before i put in another entry for my blog. the absence was mostly filled with waiting. just got my work placement and am waiting yet again for the travel arrangement to be made. am heading over to Sabah.

my parents wanted me to stay in hometown but i am reluctant. one is because my house is not really comfortable to live permanently when i am at work. and secondly i do not want to bury my rainbow life because i am stuck in this small small town.

now am happy that God decided to send me to Kota Kinabalu, big town, not very islamic and also a place where nobody knows me. I can continue my Ghey life there. Adam has also confirmed of visiting me in KK as well. so looking forward to seeing him. have not seen him for a while already.

i got a few hits after i switch my location on PR to KK. hopefully can go and have a taste of meats there hehe. all the best to me.