Christmas 2011

Once again it is Christmas, and compared to the one last year, this year's was so much better, especially when you are in the company of your friends.

I started the xmas eve with the religious part of course, me and my best friend's boyfriends who are catholic brought our lovers to watch the choir carols and subsequently the mass. The show was spectacular, although i think the show last year was better. After church we adjourned to Anthony's (my best friend's place) for makan makan and aramaitee ( sabahan style drinking and be merry) and went back home.

on christmas day we had a dinner at one of the hotels in downtown KK. afterwards we proceed to a shopping mall nearby for karaoke. we sang until 3am, then we dragged our tired bodies back home.

in all it was a great holiday. I am really thankful for the friends who have come into my life and made my stay in KK such an happy. When you have good sisters (BFFs) with you, life is happier.

We invented a society for ourselves, the Sabah Call-Girls Association (SCGA). hahaha. members include Nate ( we went from love interest into Bffs), Thomas and Edward. we hang out so often together. and we developed a bond and comradeship which i have never experienced. i guess it is really great to be best of friends to those who really know you and accept you for who you are.

i also have a lover too. but i am really struggling with my feelings for him, somehow it was like the situation with KJ all over again. He seemed to be really in love with me and but i do not share his affection. His love is not returned and i am again contemplating of ending the relationship. he is, well fortunately moving to sandakan soon, so i hope it will slowly slipped through my fingers.

anyhow, Merry Christmas and a Happy new year to everyone!

updates for March

1. i have broken up with Nate.... he is happy to be back with his Japanese BF, and i am happy to let him go... he still loves his jap bf a lot... nothing i can do about it.

2. i have signed up to be Bodypump instructor... hope to be able to pass the training. the course will bleed my wallet but i think it will be worth it.

3. my social circle is expanding... make new friends and been really enjoying my weekends hanging out with friends... i don;t feel so sad and depressed anymore.

4. Romance dept- still no luck... currently having a crush on a nice guy but he seems oblivious to my affection... what can i do?

5. Part time work- now opportunities are coming in... am quite happy...

all i need now is a bf and i will be a very happy person.

New Year- Reflection and Resolution

well it's 14 hours away to new year. i am having a mixed feelings.

this year i started working full time. by the twist of fate i ended up being a lecturer rather than being a teacher. my work nature is quite different. well i feel quite happy because my occupation kinda sounded glamourous. and of course i enjoyed the shopping. well it hurts my wallet every time but heck it's one very good satisfaction to afford things because you pay things using your hard-earned money.

relationship wise well latest development is that i am back with Nate. well it feels like recycling old toys but he broke up with his japanese bf and really willing to consider being with me. well i was being very supportive of him as a friend. though i really have lost all romantic feelings for him but i know that he is ultimately a kind soul and i hope that we will work it out. and if we ever celebrate our anniversary it will be on Christmas Day... hahaha.... like Bridget Jones Diary.

well lets get on to the resolution eh... my resolution for next year is...

1. to have a leaner, toned body ( work in progress).

2. to successful conduct one action research

3. to be more sociable and to make more new friends.

4. to find a new replacement for my Hag ( my girl is leaving for australia in June... Sad)

5. start my master at the end of the year. ( finger's crossed)

and of course some optional ones

become an instructor for Bodypump or Bodycombat

have a stable boyfriend- hopefully with Nate.

Happy New Year to everyone. Hope you guys will have a wonderful and productive year ahead!

new developments.... rainy day

it's rainy season outside of my room. and i am putting in my post after a hiatus of 4 months. my commitment to this blog is seriously lacking.

i have been at home since last week, coming home for the school holiday. it's been raining day and night. wonder how can the state absorb so much precipitation.

some developments. i am still single. Nate is now my first BFF in KK. funny story. after our falling out i was sad but i seemed to be able to move on. and when he decided to meet me again i was able to be friends with him and to have a normal conversation without feeling sad or angry. he;s avery nice friend and we hangout often. he has a hot and cold relationship with his bf so i ended up becoming his confidante. i listened attentively to his problems and try to advice him where possible. though i did not get a bf i am thankful to find a PLU companion in KK. at least my life would not be such a bore.

sex is surprisingly not a big issue to me. if i actually have a place i think i can get laid at least every week. i am slowly compiling some guys to go into my Fuck Buddy List so am looking forward to more fun next time around. especially when my housemates go away for whatever reasons.

i have shed 7 kilos since i came to KK. thanks to gym and protein shake diet. enjoy my classes in the gym, especially Bodycombat and Bpdypump. am even considering of becoming an instructor too. but i wonder if i am able to be one, it's quite different to teaching.

will write my resolution during christmas.

cold night

it has been a while since i am back to being single again..

well i think i spent most of the time nursing pain and getting myself back together again. Well Nate is already seeing a guy permanently and Adam is crazy about his boy in Bangkok. here i am all alone. not trying to compare but it sucks when people are having fun in their life and you are suffering on your own.

been chatting with a few guys and met some also but i do not want to put high hope. now i just want to create a social circle and also get to know more people to help me feel less lonely living in KK. most of the time i feel happy living in KK except sometimes i feel incredibly alone here. especially i have difficulties mixing with my church members here and the PLUs who are sometimes weird and aloof in a way.

i wish life doesn't have to be so hard on me. but am happy to spend a night with an indonesian man with a huge cock. havent had a cock that size since my New Zealand days...

work is good.. going away again next week. not looking for fun but just a break from this city..

meanwhile i have Diana Krall and Norah Jones serenading me. in this very cold, rainy saturday..

Heartache

Today afternoon i took a what seems to be a very long drive back home..... a person's face came into my head.... the longing feeling was replace with sadness... i tried to hold back my tears... my my heart is crying.....

today Nate said that we should remain friends. my feelings for me is not reciprocated. he was very different from how hw was when he first met me. he was very affectionate and lovey-dovey. i think somethng may be wrong with me. he gave a myriad of excuses... unresolved emotional baggage, fear of committing into relationship for the 20th time... but i took it all in stride.... though when i was having lunch with him i was trying so hard not to cry... gosh it sucks being disappointed like that. now i know what KJ must have felt when i decided to break up with him.

i knew very well that i will survive this. he was my bear for many days before this happen. my heart long for him when i go to bed... when i left i said a little prayer that God will find someone for me eventually, even when he is not Nate.. Nate and I will remain friends. so will it be.

work wise it was quite hectic... was quite happy to be given world studies. loved the subject and i enjoy my students too. very cute and very young haha. hope i will make a good teacher. and my love life? God will provide, He gaveth and taketh away... i believe that.

Me and my bear update.

well i have not put in a post for a while now so i reckon it's time for another update.

so far Nate and i have been going on fine. i was glad that i made a decision to come back early to KK during my one month holiday. cause i could not wait for Adam to reply when he is coming down.

Adam was heading to thailand for a conference before he came down to see me. but i have not heard from him ever since so i secretly thought something must have gone wrong. well a white guy going to thailand even he doesnt look for a boy some boy would have looked for him. so true enough after i caught him online once i asked whether or not he is seeing somebody and yes he is. he will try to find a job in Bangkok so they could try and make their relationship worked. so as how we have made in our relationship pact we decided to call it a day and officially went separate ways.

in a way i was happy that this is over cause that means i can concentrate on making things worked with nate. am happy to be with him as he is very caring and also quite funny too. as i had the whole house to myself and also he had his usual four days off we had a wonderful time together having sex, cuddling and also eating together. we also went to the Jazz festival together. as the company he worked for gave it's staff complimentary tickets together with coupons for drinks and food. i drank two bottles of beer and had a hotdog courtesy of his company haha.

well he never get a chance to stay overnight as i know it is impossible (he lives with his mum). but i feels nice to be in a relationship with a guy who calls you everyday, see you more than once in a week and just happy to be beside you. well he is overweight and has nothing to shout about in the size department but he has many qualities that compensate for that. he has decided to keep things moving slowly and he wished to ascertain his feelings before taking a step forward. i respected that decision but deep down inside i knew i have given more of what i should have for him. i wished we will work it out and can be an items. i only have to be with him for two years to be his longest partner he has ever had... the benchmark is quite low definitely.

work wise i'll start working again next semester with a whole lot of responsibility coming in my way. i've been made a pastoral care officer and that will be a great task ahead of me. pay has come in and of course being a gay guy i spend quite a sum doing some shopping. it was a fun and exciting days ahead of me and i look forward to it.