all i can do for now

it's december. i am back in my hometown and it was raining all day. i love monsoon season. the last month of every year seems to be a recollection of a sort for me. where i reflect on the year. feeling possibly melancholic and also sighing. the weather pretty much reflect the feeling that i have.

this year is a transition year for me. it has been a year since i left NZ. never really quite forgotten the things that happened to me when i was there. things i have done, people i have met and also the fact that i have found myself and never be the same person again. it pains me to go back into the closet again and ponder the slim chances of whether or not i will be able to live permanently outside of Malaysia ever again.

But throughout this year i managed to have fun a few times and i am contented though i will not complain if i get extra. malaysians guy are of course more discreet and are somewhat more caring than the Kiwis. maybe the fact that we are all in the same boat means that we should somehow out of common sense should take care and look out for each other.

this year also sees me venturing into something which i have personally have no belief in-long distance relationship. i sent Adam a card the other day and he was pretty happy to receive it. though am not too sure whether he has sent me one but i think it does not matter. at least i have done my part. he is coming down to malaysia next year and i suppose the next time we meet will be high time where i discover my true feeling towards him and also how do we go from there. he has plans of settling down permanently here in Malaysia and i wished him all the success in doing that.

as for myself i begin my career next year. it will be a difficult time as all my seniors have shed lights but i intend to persevere and i really hope that life will not be too difficult for me.

have faith and pray for providence. that's all i can do for now.