about getting laid and feeling depressed

I came back from Muddy Farmer. My brother said I look tired and ought to get some sleep. I feel like I want to cry really. Will tell the entire story.

It was Saturday night and I just finished working at Eden Park for a rugby game. Shame on the Auckland team for losing so badly to the Welli folks. Marty asked me if I am free to take him to Family, me being a nice guy and quite enjoy the prospect of being somebody’s senior really agreed to.

We went to Family, people are getting more as we entered the place. I found myself looking at this older guy who seemed to capture my eyes despite his forty-looking looks. He seemed to look back at me with the same eyes as well, but I did not pursue it further as I have Marty with me. Then we left Family to check out other places. We first head across the road to Fluffy, to our horror of not seeing anybody there at all, pretty shocking. The dancefloor was empty. We then took off to Urge, the Auckland bear bar. and the moment I entered the place I have to take down my spectacles as the surrounding was really warm. It was full house at the small and cramped Urge so the temperature was pretty warm in there. Then we walk back along K’rd to NV, and find some interesting atmosphere there. Finally we head back to family for some dancing and also to watch the Drag show.

The drag show was alright. The first song about taking a dump was not really that funny and it’s disgusting. The next song was ‘chain reaction’ so it was good. There was another song but I can’t remember. Then we danced for a while before I sent Marty back. I decided to head into Family again trying my luck on the guy I was looking just now. I went in gave him a look but there’s no response from him. I went to dance and found myself having some fun with a guy whom I believe to be Andre. He kinda blew me off a couple of times and I have given up contacting him. He seemed drunk or high cause I was feeling him up without him giving back any responses at all. He did not even look at me. Well he then drifted off somewhere and I was about to follow him and make sure he is alright. But then the guy whom I was eying decided to approach me and chat me up. So forget about Andre.

His name is James and to my surprise he is from Wales, as I was just studying a bout Welsh English three weeks ago. He bought me a drink and we had a chat. Then we went into the dance floor and had a dance. Was quite fun feeling him up and kissing him.

Then I decided to call it a night and he walked me home. I brought him up to my apartment for a cup of coffee. We had a chat but we didn’t make up. But we planned to see each other for lunch tomorrow.

So come tomorrow and we had lunch at Nando’s. then it’s off to his place for some action. It was alright. I have not been getting nailed for a while so the experience was not too comfortable but at least I came. He came like half an hour later after I came. He looked alright though the body was a bit off. He is also incredibly smooth for a white guy too. Oh btw he’s 42 years old (I know).
We parted ways when I walked back to catch some nap and him to Foodtown for grocery shopping. I was feeling pretty sad throughout the day, even when I went to church and also meet up with some French travellers who are hanging out with my brother.

I think the stress and loneliness is slowly eating me away. I am not happy and I am in perennial state of worry and also stressed out. I am a bit lonely and also disappointed by all the guys who never seemed to contact me for anything after them showing interest at the beginning. Even with James too I feel bad cause I know this would not lead to nowhere. He’s too old and I am just really sick of chasing guys after guys. I refused to talk to my mom because I don’t want to blurt out the whole not having enough money issue. So I am help to myself. Probably I should pray but God doesn’t really help me much these days. Gosh I am feeling miserable.

I hate feeling depressed.

Enchante Andre!

It has been a while since my last post. I feel that I should only post something when I have something to write. So here it is.

Last week is the first anniversary of my first gay sexual encounter. I went to the pool. Without getting disappointed, I saw Greg. But we didn’t do anything because his partner is around. As for his case I have long given up on him. I was there primarily to have a good swim and getting prepared for the Taranaki hike this week. So after shower I just went back and feeling sad? Yes.
So the next day I woke up early and went to a tramp at the Piha valley with the Club. It was great hike and I had great time seeing valleys and streams. My Gym workout has been really helpful. I have no idea whether it was an easy hike or my stamina has improved but I did not feel really tired doing the hike.

As the hike finished early, I managed to get back to city, attend mass and back to apartment by 6.30pm. The thought lingering in my head as I was considering should I attend the ‘Underware’ party at the bear bar Urge that night. The tickets are supposed to be sold out but my UniQ friend Seb managed to get me a free ticket. Putting my inhibition of wearing just underwear in a public place aside, I walked into the bar after removing and give up my clothes for safekeeping.
The lights are dimmed, techno music playing loudly in the small bar as men, mostly bears, walking around in briefs and boxers, dance, drink and have a chat. Of course the excitement of the night was to see people making out in the dance floor. Some were sucking each other, some kissing passionately. Some were rubbing their crotch and bum excitedly towards each other. That was one unique experience that I will never forget my entire life.

Coming to the place there were only 3 Asian boys I think, yet I still managed to end up being invisible once again, although I did get picked up by this guy. He looks a bit old but his body is hot. Nice cock too. Name’s Aldo and we had fun making out in dance floor. So in a way I was not left out amidst the fun that everybody seems to be having. But then he had to leave early and it doesn’t seem that I am going back to his place that night so I just gave him my number. Prospect? Not counting on it.

I stayed on for another hour before I decided that rather than just sitting there nursing my frustration and tiredness I should just call it a night. Seb who was there as well were busy getting it on with another two more guys somewhere in the corner. Good on him. So I get dressed and walked back.

On my way back I was checked out by a guy driving a Merc convertible. I decided to ignore him and walk further down K’rd. Then he decided to drove his car up and park near me again. I got curious, stopped and tried to look at him but I can only look at half his face. He opened up his car door. Not really given it a thought I just jumped into the car, praying to God for protection against psycho-killers.

I can’t look at his face clearly but he is on the mature side as well. Name’s Andre and he is half French. Despite him knowing only a bit of French I was talking to him in French, much to his annoyance. He sent me home but he overshot and he decided to stop at a dark corner and we made out.

We sucked each other and then we fucked each other briefly as well. Apparently he liked to be fucked by small cock ( weird?) and hope that we can get it on there in the car. Well I am not keen on the idea. We played for a while before he dropped me off and promised to see me the next day.

Well of course he can’t make it the next day. Just my luck I reckon. I did tell him we can see each other on weekend. So we’ll see how it goes after my Taranaki trip. I do hope for something but I just don’t seem to have the luck with guys.

Well it is still a good outing, I got half lucky. Thank god but I do hope for more.