tales of thursday and Friday

After a long day today and yesterday, I guess it is just right to pen this down.

Friday I spent the morning cleanin up the apartment with my mates. Then I had a long day with KJ. We took a stroll along Ponsonby Road, looking for the Dorothy’s Sisters, the restaurant. Then we went back for KFC and some cuddling before he went back around 9.30pm.

Thursday was supposed to be interesting. Well despite not being able to have some fun with Greg after the pool swim (his brother decided to crash at his place at last minute so he did not have a place for our fun, his partner was away at Sydney). We had a dinner at Wagamama though. It is cool that I get to know a bit more about him, but it just made me feel worse after he sent me home. I realized that he is the guy I wanted to be with. The fact that he is not available pains me so bad that I almost burst into tears. Now I know how it feels like to love someone and not being loved back. It could be my selfish wanting but it sucks really when you want something you can’t have. As I came back around 8, I spent almost one and a half hour nursing the pain before I decided that enough is enough. I smarten myself up, changed into my party clothes and walked my way to K’Rd for my debut in a gay club.

I went to Family, and the Wigarama was being held there. Drag Queens from around North Island were there to perform and raise funds for the New Zealand AIDS Foundation. Walking to the place I felt a strange feeling of peace. It is great to go into places where everybody around you is just like you. It is the sense of belonging, to gays haha. The boys are beautiful but of course being an Asian boy you are invisible. Maybe the going-ons last night was not conducive for cruising. But maybe I am not hot enough.

The shows was great, the Girls performed very well, cool dance moves and also cool tunes. The boys got high whenever a gay anthem was performed (like I Will Survive, obviously). I myself enjoyed the Madonna medley and a girl impersonating Christina Aguilera for Candyman. The music in between shows were good too. They had Feedback, Gimme More and Piece of Me. Only songs in gay bars will suit a gay man’s ears. They closed at twelve but I was too tired to continue dancing at Supermarket downstairs. The songs are not nice and I had a long swim before coming. After three glasses of beer all I want is a bed.

I think the drag queens are so cool. They dressed very well and are able to flaunt their femininity. I sometimes wished I could be like them too. But if I want to sing I will sing ‘Wow’ by Kylie and ‘Snow on the Sahara’ by Anggun haha.

Being alone in gay bar sucks. I saw a few couples in Family, hugging, kissing and dancing together. How I hope KJ was with me, or probably Greg deep down in my heart. But I realize I still have a long life ahead of me. With God’s grace I might be able to come back to NZ again. Greg said that it was possible. No idea. Will pray hard for it. But then I wonder will I ever find someone like Greg to love. Gay life is full of pain. To all the sisters out there I know how you feel. Pray that we’ll find someone to love and someone to love us.

Cheers mate.

Express yourself

Well this week was supposed to be a holiday for me but I am stuck in school, doing my block visit in Mt Albert Grammar. Things are fine in the school. And I have a suspect in school which I think he could be gay haha. He dresses immaculately, his eyebrows looked trimmed and he seemed to realize that I was checking him out too.
Last Sunday I was watching C4 and I was surprised that the ‘U choose 40’ segment they did a Madonna vs Michael Jackson music videos. I stick to the show from 8.30 till 11.30, dreading every MJ videos ( and wondering how did he bleached himself from black to white) and enjoy all the Madonna’s. Seriously I don’t know whether I like Madonna because she is fabulous or because all gays like him, so I jumped in the bandwagon as well. Her latest hit was a let down though. She joined into the whole R&B hip-hop thing and I wonder will I ever hear any electronic pop out of her again. I mean she reigned the whole 80’s and 90’s pop scene with her songs. She does not get the ‘Queen of Pop’ title for nothing.
Well I feel her 80’s songs are just great. In fact I am listening to some of them right now and they made it into my current favourites folder in my mp3 player. Songs like ‘material girl’, ‘papa don’t preach’ and ‘vogue’ just make me feel like dancing and imagine how it is like to live in the 80’s. From the C4 show I discovered ‘express yourself’, which I quite like it as well, sounds like ‘vogue’ but less draggy.
I guess what makes gay men like him so much is her ‘don’t care all attitude’, her showing of femininity, sexual appeal and also back to the word ‘vogueness’. Her songs has fast beats, disco-ish and in a way exudes the divaness in everybody. Although I consider her to be as good as kylie, Madonna was the icon of 80’s and it will not be too much to say that she is the backbone of the 80’s music. The 80’s is the age of slow rock and also Madonna’s pop songs.
Well I hope she will continue to make good stuff. Her electronica pop numbers are good as well ( love dancing to ‘Music’). As I never heard her entire album yet, I hope she has some dance numbers for her eager gay fans.
Which leads me to the point that I need to go check out the gay clubs.

Gay mens (mature,old,older)

Gosh being a GAM in New Zealand is so miserable. i guess things were even worse for me being not in the scene. having more and more profiles set up in websites does not really help. Reason? keep seeing the same old faces again.

sometimes i wonder why these old ( mature man) in their 40s like Asian boys so much. i have a feeling that they were never Rice Queens when they are young ( KJ was, having known all his past BFs were all asian or PIers). when they hit forty suddenly they all convert to become Rice queens. searching for their perfect asian boy, one after another.

maybe it is true what i have read before in a blog ( bathhouse blues), that these over the prime GWM were looking for the next best thing after almost be dropped off the radar of young GWM, which of course is GAM. and those GAM who are potato queens will still go for them even when they are 15-30 years older than them ( sadly, i am in the categories too, but it wont be long). I sometimes wonder will things be different if i am in the scene, meeting more younger GWM i might get lucky with you of them. but then again, looking at my average look and also out of shape body, i better just forget about the idea altogether.

oh i was supposed to talk about the UniQ Auckland, the uni LBGT group that i joined in March but have not able to go for their meeting. could have gone to this week hadn;t i have to replace Jessica for the scripture study meeting cause she wants to meet her boyfriend who will stopped by en route to australia. always feel that it is between choosing God and being gay. cant i have both, promise to be a good boy (yeah right).

oh the FB thing well i decide to just lost contact with him and hopefully he will just stop calling me. i have not have a heart to tell him that he is a bit too feminine to me. and the teeth are like so big i thought i was french kissing a rabbit. Was a good fuck though. was a bit reluctant to let him fuck me but thank god he cant keep a hard on (pity for a 40 yrs old man ). so my cheerie is save again. wonder who will have it. KJ, if he decides to do me one day, or probably Greg, who will let me know when i can go over to his place for some fun. haha.

My honey KJ is fine. he quitted his job and started a new one, after much persuasion he decided to go back to college again to do his degree. as he now works part time, he can now meet me on friday, freeing up my sunday for tramp or an extra day of work. am happy with that.

and fingers-crossed i hope to meet interesting people next time around. Get lucky already!