Based on my observation and also reading from blogs and watching movies, being gay has also been closely associated with being a 'Diva'. Most singing Diva are gay icons anyway. However, the fact that some gay men, not to say all, lest i offend the butch group of gays, like to sing and dance to their favourite singer and even impersonate them make me realised how gay i can actually be even before i realised that i like men.
i remembered back in high school where i could dance and sing to Kylie Minogue (yes the 'can't get you out of my head song). i was dancing, singing and even imitate her moves in the MTV whenever the 'La la la' part can be heard on the radio. My boyfriend brought me back to Madonna, which see myself belting out 'nothing really matters' with the moves in the shower. Watching 'Will and Grace' and seeing Jack had a impersonation fight with the real Cher to imitate her sees me also singing to 'All or nothing' dancing in the shower as well.
Some of my friends said that i can sing and dance. Singing? i don't really think so, its because i have a high voice (damn ! i could kill for a voice like Will Young or Clay Aiken), so i have difficulty singing low pitch but definitely no problem in singing high, even till falsetto. i always like to practice my voice like an acrobat by singing 'i still believe' by Mariah Carey, from the deep low till her signature whistle-blower note( well i dun think i can reach that high, but enough to make Daniel Bedingfield turn around . Haha perasan me.)
Dancing well i guess i deserve a little of the compliment. I do know how to dance a bit. i always feel like i should learn to do hip hop because i think i am made for it. my friends who thought i cant really dance were amazed when i went out clubbing with them once and jumped into the centre of our own group and pulled out my moves when the DJ played 'signs' by Snoop Dog. So i can def dance a bit.
i guess being gay the divaness is almost can be considered as inborn and you can't help expressing it, or else how can you explain the drag culture and also the trannies in the LBGT community? For me i totally embrace it, it makes my shower time more fun as i chose my impersonation icon for the day.
Friday, November 30, 2007
Sunday, November 25, 2007
Summer plans
well i finished my exam two weeks back and the results were released today. i got 2As and 2Bs, not too bad, but it was worse then what i got last sem, i scored all As. but its not that i really care. just want to enjoy the NZ uni experience.
i started my job washing cars a few weeks back too. all men crew but sadly, no hot guys to feast my eyes upon. A few maori guys but they are not my type. two white guys but none of them look hot. one look like a criminal and his attitude was downright irritating. he would suddenly yelled at me when i did or even did not do anyhting wrong and the next thing he will raised eyebrow, gave a smile and a 'Hows it going mate', seriously dumbfounded. another guy looks like a guy whose name will be Robbie, though his name is not, looks like a young football player, school dropout. so non intellect, stay away from me please. my boss, hate him totally, he would come in for half an hour in the morning and start ordering people around and the next thing he is gone. though with great build (former league player) , he actually looked like the annoying version of george michael. Sigh* boring job.
meeting KJ as usual this week, have been hosting him at my room for two weeks now whenever we meet. it was a bit crazy knowing that i am making out with him while my stauched Christian friend is downstairs. but i dun care. makes it more thrilling and fun. some of my friends got to see him already, but then he remained as my Howick friend, not my boyfriend, or else (everybody gasp and fainted) it will be a major disaster.
have fun KJ, see you sunday.
i started my job washing cars a few weeks back too. all men crew but sadly, no hot guys to feast my eyes upon. A few maori guys but they are not my type. two white guys but none of them look hot. one look like a criminal and his attitude was downright irritating. he would suddenly yelled at me when i did or even did not do anyhting wrong and the next thing he will raised eyebrow, gave a smile and a 'Hows it going mate', seriously dumbfounded. another guy looks like a guy whose name will be Robbie, though his name is not, looks like a young football player, school dropout. so non intellect, stay away from me please. my boss, hate him totally, he would come in for half an hour in the morning and start ordering people around and the next thing he is gone. though with great build (former league player) , he actually looked like the annoying version of george michael. Sigh* boring job.
meeting KJ as usual this week, have been hosting him at my room for two weeks now whenever we meet. it was a bit crazy knowing that i am making out with him while my stauched Christian friend is downstairs. but i dun care. makes it more thrilling and fun. some of my friends got to see him already, but then he remained as my Howick friend, not my boyfriend, or else (everybody gasp and fainted) it will be a major disaster.
have fun KJ, see you sunday.
Sunday, November 11, 2007
Yeah! Met him again finally!
I was at the swimming pool the other day and guess who i met? It's Greg! After our last encounter in september i have been to the pool a few times and i did not bump into him. i went to the pool last saturday just for relaxation as i was studying hard and my summer job was quite taxing physically. so i went to the pool for relaxation, almost giving up hope of seeing him again.
last time i used to sit in the spa pool for half and hour just to wait for him to come into the pool. I will wait until i realised that i need to give up and go for showers. i was really mad at myself for not giving up hope despite not seeing him for almost two months already. however, just when i was going to take my stuff from my locker to hit the shower, there he was, behind the plastic panels that seperate the benches. our eyes met and both of us gave a suprised 'hi'. we had a brief chat and then we hit the urinals. once again the game began as both of us played with our dick after we peed. then we went into a shower stall (with a door of course) and start having some fun (well the usual kiss suck jerk KSJ). then he left for a swim and i went to the shower stall.
if you ask me i would definitely prefer Greg then KJ. not because he was the first guy i met but because he is, to me, more attractive then KJ. despite being chubbier, he is bald, something which i really like. KJ has refused to give up his few strands of hair which i find very irritating and made him look like a perv. but i did not feel any guilt of playing with greg. because its a no string attached fun and this time around, both of us are with someone.
however, i was made hopeful when he asked whether i will be around for the summer. i thought he would want to extend the shower fun that we had into something dry, hopefully. the thing is i can never know until he actually asked about it. and i for another thing need to sync my time so that i will arrive at the pool as he arrives. hopefully we can finish together and something can come up from there.
Even you might think that i am promiscuous and unfaithful, hey almost all gays are. See you this sat greg, and hopefully we will have more fun. hehe.
last time i used to sit in the spa pool for half and hour just to wait for him to come into the pool. I will wait until i realised that i need to give up and go for showers. i was really mad at myself for not giving up hope despite not seeing him for almost two months already. however, just when i was going to take my stuff from my locker to hit the shower, there he was, behind the plastic panels that seperate the benches. our eyes met and both of us gave a suprised 'hi'. we had a brief chat and then we hit the urinals. once again the game began as both of us played with our dick after we peed. then we went into a shower stall (with a door of course) and start having some fun (well the usual kiss suck jerk KSJ). then he left for a swim and i went to the shower stall.
if you ask me i would definitely prefer Greg then KJ. not because he was the first guy i met but because he is, to me, more attractive then KJ. despite being chubbier, he is bald, something which i really like. KJ has refused to give up his few strands of hair which i find very irritating and made him look like a perv. but i did not feel any guilt of playing with greg. because its a no string attached fun and this time around, both of us are with someone.
however, i was made hopeful when he asked whether i will be around for the summer. i thought he would want to extend the shower fun that we had into something dry, hopefully. the thing is i can never know until he actually asked about it. and i for another thing need to sync my time so that i will arrive at the pool as he arrives. hopefully we can finish together and something can come up from there.
Even you might think that i am promiscuous and unfaithful, hey almost all gays are. See you this sat greg, and hopefully we will have more fun. hehe.
Sunday, November 4, 2007
Emotional wreck
So here i am . typing this after enrolled myself in the PLU top blog listing. not that i really care if i ever made it to numero uno. just that i will love to shre my stories with other gays. as i sipped my cheap food town Pinot Noir, i try to recall what happened today.
i was excited yet nervous as KJ drove to his house. i am to meet his mother for the first time. luckily she seems pleased to see me. i brought a wine, thinking that she is cooking, but at the end it was i who do the honour (she just came back from England and still experiencing jet lag). so i cooked something and it turned up well biaseleh (Malay= it's usual). so i scored a brownie point from mother in law (not that i am marrying KJ anyway). we had a good chat and it was a wonderful evening.
however, i was suddenly overwhelmed with sadness that i started crying when KJ sent me home. i was sobbing and of course KJ was panicked, offering me clothes to dry my face and assuring me things are alright while driving. i felt so sorry for myself for being such a emotional wreck and making KJ worried for no apprent reason. even now i am still wondering why i broke down.
one thing that i realise is that i could be afraid of losing him. Though we look like the most unlikely couple i must admit i love him dearly. when we kissed today i held him so tight, as if i am holding on to a rock in a sea of waves. i guess i was also thnking of the fact that i might not see him this time 2 years from now. we can be together for only a year before we have to part ways ( i am to return to malaysia). the feeling of losing someone and the possibility of not seeing him again were too much for me to bear.
another reason i could think of is that i could be crying for joy. i welled up my feelings all these while. i was independent and live a loveless life. now that i have someone to love my emotion flows like a water bursting out from a dam. i guess it was good that i am trying to handle my emotion. especially come november next year when i am to leave auckland. i will need to learn to put things behind and move on, though KJ is dreaming of working out a solution for both of us.
whatever it is, i am just happy to be with KJ now. he could be old and unappealing but still he is my KJ. and i will love you always honey. and thanks for the flowers dear.
i was excited yet nervous as KJ drove to his house. i am to meet his mother for the first time. luckily she seems pleased to see me. i brought a wine, thinking that she is cooking, but at the end it was i who do the honour (she just came back from England and still experiencing jet lag). so i cooked something and it turned up well biaseleh (Malay= it's usual). so i scored a brownie point from mother in law (not that i am marrying KJ anyway). we had a good chat and it was a wonderful evening.
however, i was suddenly overwhelmed with sadness that i started crying when KJ sent me home. i was sobbing and of course KJ was panicked, offering me clothes to dry my face and assuring me things are alright while driving. i felt so sorry for myself for being such a emotional wreck and making KJ worried for no apprent reason. even now i am still wondering why i broke down.
one thing that i realise is that i could be afraid of losing him. Though we look like the most unlikely couple i must admit i love him dearly. when we kissed today i held him so tight, as if i am holding on to a rock in a sea of waves. i guess i was also thnking of the fact that i might not see him this time 2 years from now. we can be together for only a year before we have to part ways ( i am to return to malaysia). the feeling of losing someone and the possibility of not seeing him again were too much for me to bear.
another reason i could think of is that i could be crying for joy. i welled up my feelings all these while. i was independent and live a loveless life. now that i have someone to love my emotion flows like a water bursting out from a dam. i guess it was good that i am trying to handle my emotion. especially come november next year when i am to leave auckland. i will need to learn to put things behind and move on, though KJ is dreaming of working out a solution for both of us.
whatever it is, i am just happy to be with KJ now. he could be old and unappealing but still he is my KJ. and i will love you always honey. and thanks for the flowers dear.
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