Here i am doing my maiden posting from my hostel in KL. it took me two weeks to get this post online. From afar i can see the blade-looking Telekom Tower. some of you might know where i live by this guess. We started off with an orientation and it was a long winded one. I am actually quite excited to be back despite the assignments which will soon make my life miserable for the whole year. I am also worried about my practicum at the second half of the year where things might get really horrible for me. I am quite not ready to enter the classroom despite all the years of studying and observing lessons. But then if i never try i never know so i’ll be positive.
The orientation ended after three days and many of us left for the weekend. Myself included as i headed out to Pahang for a retreat session. My secret rainbow sisters went out to La Queen for great fun, something which i will miss of course. But in all i do feel that i am feeling the most dreaded thing- being alone, really alone.
I don’t know but i do not feel as alone as i was in Auckland, probably because there are friends who do come and say hi to you and want to chat. People here have known me since the foundation days and they really do not care much for me. I too do not want to just hang out with my cliques, i wish to diversify my friends and in the end i realised that i do not have a really close friend. And i seemed really depressed by that.
But then the sad feelings also come with the frustration of dealing with the bureaucracy in Malaysia. Dealing with the pencil pushers in the public sector can be a very exasperating experience. Unanswered phone calls and emails, delayed work, layers and layers of procedures, stacks of forms to fill are still there after two years. I have prepared myself for the worst when i came back here from New Zealand after getting so used to the efficiency and courtesies of the Kiwis. But man even my preparation doesn’t alleviate the anger i had over the entire system.
Nevertheless i do feel like i need to make good use of my last full year in KL. I have not intended to stay in KL for my first posting (well not that i can get that anyway) so i need to go explore and enjoy KL before i am to be sent to somewhere far out in the middle of nowhere to teach. I could try to stay back for the sake of my rainbow life but i don’t want to suffer by not having enough money to live. Money wins the day and i feel that i only need to suffer for four years before i can enjoy the freedon for the rest of my life possibly.
I came back from GH today, clearing off my skin infection and also my blood test came back negative. No any STDs and also am HIV negative. I sighed a relief though the results were taken still relatively close to my last sex encounter. So i’ll have to undergo bloodtest again in April. Then i can really clear things out i think.
Life has not been really great. I am very much still mourning for my Auckland life. Hope the going back home on CNY will cheer things up a little.
