Well this is the second New Year entry for me. As 2009 dawns about less than four hours away, i will reflect on the whole year and also plan for the year ahead.
This year has been a mixed year for me. I had a great time studying third year in Auckland, involved in the church social and also getting started on the rainbow life. I have made many friends and have travelled to many places in New Zealand and also to set foot in Australia.
But i am , to my surprise, still nursing my grieves after leaving New Zealand, i can’t help reminiscing about the great life in NZ whenever i listened to pop songs which are reflective of the events i experienced in Auckland. Songs like Brooke Fraser’s ‘Shadowfeet’, Chris Brown’s ‘Forever’, Sara Bareilles ‘Love Song’, Donna Summer’s ‘Last Dance’ ( ok that’s an exception) never failed to draw me back to the people i met, places i went and also the things that i did when i was there. Then a sudden pang of pain will hit me as i know i am thousands of miles away from where all these things happened to me. Gym, Tramp, roadtrips, clubbing, random guys i met, UniQ meeting, Uni lectures, church folks. But then i guess my life has to go on, despite the pain i need to learn to accept it and to move on. There’s no point dwelling in the past when there’s a future ahead of you.
But the travelling i have done this year was really memorable. I hiked some of the most beautiful tracks in New Zealand, attended World Youth Day, the biggest Catholic pilgrimage event in Sydney, Australia, met and known so many Kiwi and international friends and all the pub outings have been such an eye-opener. This i will treasure in my heart always, praying that i will one day get to relive all these experiences again.
The future? Well it’s my last year of studying. I aimed to do well in the course and hopefully graduate with a second upper if not a first class. I’ll continue with my crunches to eventually kill my belly. And also though not on the priority list is probably meet some local guys and have some fun or a romance? Hihi. Then the life will be more beautiful. I’ll be learning new things again as i begin the full closet life back home. But i now have some ‘sisters’ who will be my comrades on the journey. Hopefully we’ll be closer and form great friendships.
Still i find it painful to let go of 2008, i wished it will never end, though they are joy and pain along the way, i realised i have grown so much and the me who came back is no longer the same me who left Malaysian shores two years ago. I really hope my life will be a great one. Probably too early to worry about that but hey, it’s never too early to start hoping and planning.
Happy New Year! Bonne Annee 2009!
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Christmas time
It was the season again. Christmas is in town and i am quite looking forward for the little solitary Christmas this year in my hometown.
When i was in New Zealand i developed a liking for Jazz music, i like them both fast and slow. So i have been p2p downloading some jazz music and listening to them when i read, such a soothing music to the ears. But i don’t have any Christmas songs, funny thinking about it.
I can’t believe it’s Christmas tomorrow. I was pretty much in the nostalgic mode reminiscing the great days in Auckland. My only Christmas celebration in Auckland was pretty simple yet memorable. I went to the midnight mass and the choir sang beautifully and i felt so wonderful. After that i had a chat with a friend over two bottles of wine and we chatted till dusk. Then i went to bed and woke up around noon to go to my friend’s friend house for Christmas dinner. It was such a great night. Good food, great wine and also great jazz music. Which i think could be what gets me into the music at the first place. I supposed that was my first real Christmas celebration.
The person i had the overnight chat with was such a nice person. Jane was pretty understanding when i came out to her and she made me feel it was alright to be who i am. We also chatted about KJ and a mutual acquaintance she is currently seeing. I had a crash course about relationship from her and we talked about our future. It was such a blissful moment for me. She is now back in Singapore after studying so i hope to be able to catch up with her one day. A great chat will never go wrong with great companion and also a bottle of great wine.
Christmas has not been a festival to me until i became a Catholic in 2006, from that year onwards i should start celebrating Christmas. I didn’t enjoy the one in 2006 cause i was a bit lonely in the home parish in KT. I was baptised in the PJ parish so nobody at my hometown knows me. But the one in 2007 was really great as it was in Auckland and the local parish there is very nice. It was great to experience a Kiwi Christmas and also a summer Christmas as well.
This year’s Christmas is going to be pretty much back to the one in 2006. I know nobody, everybody is a stranger and i am going there solely for the mass. But i am going to give both my Godfathers a call. Hope they’ll be free to entertain me. Haha. And i just did my shopping today on the xmas eve. Will attend a vigil mass later tonight.
Merry Christmas and happy holidays.
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Back in Malaysia
It has almost been a fortnight since i left Auckland for home. It was great seeing mum and dad and all my family members. The heat was not a shock for me, as it has been raining cats and dogs since the end of November in my home town. I was given a good chance to adjust to the heat again. But it was not such a difficult thing to do anyway, as i have lived in Malaysia for my whole life. Two years of New Zealand will not make me suffer through the heat back home. The adapting stage started and ended naturally and without me noticing it.
At the Auckland International Airport 12 days ago, the scene was just dramatic for some of us. Each of my hags bid farewell to a best friend in NZ and an ex boyfriend. The one who said goodbye to the boyfriend also cried before we boarded the plane back. It’s a wonder why they would react in such a way, while i know that of all of us, i will be the one who will miss this place the most. Well it was at New Zealand that i learn to embrace my sexuality and also the knowledge and skills to become one.
I came to the airport with the rest of us. Two of my church friend came to say bye to me and Rebecca. But no boyfriends for me sadly. KJ has left for Australia in Nov and i have not heard from him since. But i also don’t want to hear from him. It was a painful and shameful relationship to me that i just want to forget about it altogether. Of course after KJ i had mostly flings so am not attached after that. But i did send a message saying goodbye to all of them and i did get wishes and goodbyes from them as well.
The flight back was all right. As usual i enjoyed MAS’s inflight entertainment and also the food. I watched The Mummy 3 and also Mamma Mia, which were very good stories and comes with good songs for the latter. No hot flight attendant for me. The guy who sat beside me was fat and quiet. Food was tasty. I have always loved the plane food, the taste was pretty good and i love the packaging.
As i was on board i did get the chance to sit quietly in between shows, reminiscing my past life in New Zealand. My first sex, my first boyfriend, my first breakup, my flings and my gay friends whom i get to meet them but haven’t got a chance to know them better. It was a good two years despite the fact that two years are a short period of time and i am going back home broke . The life was good but it was funny that i am not missing any part of it except the cool weather i supposed. Well i am taking it as a good sign, as i believe that one day i will go back there again.
Heading back to Malaysia also excites me to an extent as well. As i switch the location of my personals to KL, i am looking forward of getting a few hits. I am also eager to check out gay scenes in KL, heard it was bigger than Auckland albeit less Whites and more discreet. Ivan will keep me in the loop if he is to head out sometimes, guess my gay life does not end in Auckland after all.
Will be going back to the Garden City of Lights in Jan 3rd. Will catch up with some friends and hopefully some fun in KL. I hope the movie ‘Australia’ will be screening in Jan so i can watch it at Midvalley. Am also looking forward to my last year of studying and my first year as a gay boy in KL.
Sun is shinning brightly ahead of me. Well at least i want it to be.
At the Auckland International Airport 12 days ago, the scene was just dramatic for some of us. Each of my hags bid farewell to a best friend in NZ and an ex boyfriend. The one who said goodbye to the boyfriend also cried before we boarded the plane back. It’s a wonder why they would react in such a way, while i know that of all of us, i will be the one who will miss this place the most. Well it was at New Zealand that i learn to embrace my sexuality and also the knowledge and skills to become one.
I came to the airport with the rest of us. Two of my church friend came to say bye to me and Rebecca. But no boyfriends for me sadly. KJ has left for Australia in Nov and i have not heard from him since. But i also don’t want to hear from him. It was a painful and shameful relationship to me that i just want to forget about it altogether. Of course after KJ i had mostly flings so am not attached after that. But i did send a message saying goodbye to all of them and i did get wishes and goodbyes from them as well.
The flight back was all right. As usual i enjoyed MAS’s inflight entertainment and also the food. I watched The Mummy 3 and also Mamma Mia, which were very good stories and comes with good songs for the latter. No hot flight attendant for me. The guy who sat beside me was fat and quiet. Food was tasty. I have always loved the plane food, the taste was pretty good and i love the packaging.
As i was on board i did get the chance to sit quietly in between shows, reminiscing my past life in New Zealand. My first sex, my first boyfriend, my first breakup, my flings and my gay friends whom i get to meet them but haven’t got a chance to know them better. It was a good two years despite the fact that two years are a short period of time and i am going back home broke . The life was good but it was funny that i am not missing any part of it except the cool weather i supposed. Well i am taking it as a good sign, as i believe that one day i will go back there again.
Heading back to Malaysia also excites me to an extent as well. As i switch the location of my personals to KL, i am looking forward of getting a few hits. I am also eager to check out gay scenes in KL, heard it was bigger than Auckland albeit less Whites and more discreet. Ivan will keep me in the loop if he is to head out sometimes, guess my gay life does not end in Auckland after all.
Will be going back to the Garden City of Lights in Jan 3rd. Will catch up with some friends and hopefully some fun in KL. I hope the movie ‘Australia’ will be screening in Jan so i can watch it at Midvalley. Am also looking forward to my last year of studying and my first year as a gay boy in KL.
Sun is shinning brightly ahead of me. Well at least i want it to be.
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